Tonsillitis, Preliminary Escape Date, and Some Beer Pong

So then my duckies!

To call this rousing tale of an American trapped in Germany to order, we will discuss today's first topic.

Tonsillitis...it is officially my bitch. I have overcome it and am now determined to make it my new offensive weapon against people with poor immune systems!!! This is step 1 in my plan to dominate the world!! The second step is to start a pyramid scheme to collect money so that i can buy stock in cough drops!!! That's right!! Not really sure about how pyramid schemes work (not really to interested in the fine details) but, i do know that people get rich off of them!! So give me your money!!! No...seriously...give it to me, NOW!!

Alright most of that was a lie...obviously? Tonsillitis is mainly strep throat, if you want more information i recommend http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonsillitis

The true part is that i want your money. Begin the pyramid scheme, peons!! I already have a pyramid name, it is..."Give Me Your Money." It will go down in the history books as the most honest scam ever pulled off. When I make a lot of money i will thank all the grateful individuals (you will be grateful...because YOU will be making history!) and then retire to my continent shaped island off the coast of Dubai...I'm not doing all the work for you! If you want to know what I'm blabbering about Google it. It's pretty ridiculous when you read about it.

Now that my world domination plans are all laid out ahead of you i am going to change the subject. I do this hoping that you will be so surprised at what I'm about to lay on you, you will forget what i just said...about Operation Give Me Your Money. I was talking to the head honcho while walking out to the cattle car and he gave me...A DATE!!! I am not speaking about dinner and a movie! I am talking about a release from this frozen wasteland.

APRIL 15TH will become a national holiday when i get back to the states. There will be a parade!! I'll pay for it out of the Give Me Money scheme...crap! Stupid old typewriter!! I can't backspace!!!!!

Final item for the agenda and i will call this adventure completed and over.

BEER PONG!!!

It is for some a child's game. Something that should be played in Kindergarten and then put back on the shelf when you hit middle school. By middle school you should be moving on to Whiskey and kicks to the face...that's what Chuck Norris did. He began that great tradition after he made the dinosaurs extinct and taught men how to make fire (FIRE GOOD!!!).

Here though, on the golden nights when there is no work in the morning...it becomes THE ONE AND ONLY SPORT! A sport fit for men with bulging muscles and hairy chests!! A sport fit for sexy women to walk around in sexy clothes!! This is what we do on Saturday night!

And so the rules for those of thou that do not knoweth (that's right going old shooleth on yer arses):


Whileth playingeth the beer pong, listen to thy rules mortal...eth:

Rule #1: Thine elbow shall not pass the tabel edgeth

Rule #2: Thy will finisheth thy beer before throwing

Rule #3: There shalleth be 2 re-rackeths

Rule #4: Thy willeth drink thine enemies beers, if thine fail in thy conquest

Rule #5: Thou will make sure to headeth Rule #6 well.

Rule #6: Aftereth finishing a conquest of Beer Pongeth. Do noteth passeth out.

 

 

 

Later doodz